Head Lice
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Oneshot. England loses a bet and is forced to wash France's hair. Rated T because France is in it.


He ran his fingers though the other man's hair. He still couldn't believe that he lost the bet. How could he have lost the bet? The odds were in his favor for most of the game.

"Vous amusez?" asked the other man. "I'm beginning to think that you envy my hair."

"Well, your hair is the only thing you've got going for yourself," the man stated pulling his fingers out of the other man's hair. "And that's really saying something considering how dreadful it is."

"Your denial is amusing," laughed the other man.

"It's not denial," spat the man still wondering how in the world he lost the bet.

"Call it whatever you want," smiled the other man. "Your love for my hair still amuses me."

"You're making false assumptions."

"And you're not keeping your part of the bargain," stated the other man.

"I still can't believe you won," mumbled the man. "Where do you keep the shampoo anyway?"

"In the cabinets where the towels are kept," stated the other man. "But you're not just going to use shampoo on my hair are you?"

"Well it washes your hair right?" asked the man as he took out a bottle of shampoo. "And the deal was that I would wash your hair."

"Faux! The deal was that you would see the how gorgeous my hair is," stated the other man, running his hand through his hair.

"That's just washing it," said the man, opening the shampoo bottle up.

"No, if you really want to see the l'amour of anything, you have to take it slow," explained the other man, as the man smelled the contents of the shampoo bottle.

"This does not smell like blueberries," stated the man pulling his noise away from the shampoo bottle. "It smells more like fried greasy food."

"Were you even listening to moi?" asked the other man slightly annoyed.

"Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to tune out your stupid accent," replied the man setting the shampoo bottle he just smelled back in the cabinet. "You want me to waste more time washing your stupid hair."

"Not just washing. Finding the l'amour in my hair," corrected the other man as the man picked up another bottle of shampoo.

"Are you trying to give me a hair fetish?" asked the man opening up the bottle of shampoo he just picked up. "Cause that's sort of gross."

"A hair fetish would be an improvement," said the other man, as the man smelled the new shampoo bottle.

"This one smells more like cherries," stated the man, after a pause, moving his noise away from the bottle. "Is everything mislabeled in your country? This should smell like strawberries."

"Oh, that one's my favorite!" exclaimed the other man taking the bottle from the man. "Use that one!"

"Okay," said the man taking the bottle back from the other man.

With the bottle in hand, the man then turned on the sink faucet. Once the water was running he stuck his hand into it to test the temperature. It was slightly too cold so he turned the nozzle on the sink to add some warm water.

"I think that's a good temperature," said the man turning around satisfied with the temperature of the water. "Blimey! What happened to your clothes?"

"I don't want to get my clothes wet when we're in the shower," stated the now naked other man. "Why are you still fully clothed?"

"The deal was that I would wash your hair! I'm not going to be naked in the shower with you," spat the man horrified. "I thought I was going to wash your hair in the sink."

"You need the full experience of l'amour," stated the other man standing up. "You're really stuck in your Victorian days."

"You're barmy!" yelled the man as the other man walked towards him. "This wasn't part of the deal!"

"Let me help you. You'll feel much better without so many layers on," said the other man grabbing the man's shirt.

"No! I will not be violated!" yelled the man slapping the other man across the face.

The slap caused the other man to back off and sit back down on the rim of the bathtub. Once the other man was sitting down he put his hand to his face and sighed.

"This lesson would be better taught when you are willing to learn," sighed the other man after a short pause. "For the time being you may find the love in my hair by cleaning it in the sink."

"What?" asked the man confused on how mature, and out of character, the other man just appeared to be.

"J'ai dit, that you may find the love in my hair with the sink," repeated the other man.

"That's really mature of you, France," said the man puzzled, moving a chair towards the sink.

"I'm your big brother, you shouldn't be talking to me about matureness," the other man stated, wrapping a towel around his waste.

"This better not be some sort of trick," mumbled the man as the other man took a seat in the chair.

"Take it slowly. Love is best found in time," said the other man now with his back towards the sink. "And don't be afraid to let your body control you."

"I'm just washing your hair," stated the man as the other man laid his head back to be in the water of the sink.

"You might be doing more than that in a few minutes," the other man replied as his long hair spread out in the water of the sink.

"I really don't think so," spat the man putting a hand in the water to begin washing the other man's hair.

The other man closed his eyes, while the man began running his fingers through his hair. The other man gave a small moan when the man began massaging his head.

"Oh my," said the man looking pulling his hand away from the other man's head, and looking at his hand horrified.

"Are you finding the l'amour?" asked the other man with his eyes still closed and head still in the sink.

"If head lice is the l'amour, then yes," answered the man looking at the tiny bug in his hand.

"Les poux de tête?" asked the other man jolting up from the water horrified.

"I never thought you would get head lice," stated the man poking the bug with the index finger on his other hand.

"It can't be! My hair is supposed to be as glorious as the rest of myself!"

"Calm down. I'll just shave your head. There really isn't anything here to worry-"

"Shave ma tête?" the other man cut the man off. "You can't do that! Its far too glorious!"

"How else are you supposed to get rid of head lice?" asked the man opening up the sink cabinet. "Do you have a razor in here somewhere?"

"No! I wouldn't allow it!" yelled the other man, slamming shut the cabinet the man just opened. "My hair is far too important to just be shaved off!"

"You are being such a drama queen."

"This is my hair we are dealing with! Mes cheveux!" screamed the other man putting his hands on his head. "Merde! The little bug has a family!"

"I bet this is payback for trying to seduce me earlier," laughed the man watching the other man pull more bugs from his hair.

"What am I going to do? This is bad. Cela est mauvais. This is bad. Cela est mauvais," whined the other man not paying attention to the man. "This is bad. Cela est mauvais. This is bad. Cela-"

"Snap out of it!" spat the man slapping the other man across the face to shut his whining up. "This is not the end of the world! Your hair will grow back."

"Noooooo! I don't want my hair to grow back! I don't want to lose my beautiful hair I have right now! It's not like your eyebrows! It doesn't need to be shaved off!"

"What do my eyebrows have to do with anything?" asked the man defensively. "The problem is with your hair not with my eyebrows."

"Nooooo! It's worse than I thought! I have a problem when you don't have a problem! That's the worst possible thing ever!"

"It's not a problem. We just need to shave off your head. It will grow back and everything will be fine."

"I wouldn't have my hair, so everything will not be fine!"

"Calm down you are being such a kid," stated the man opening up the sink cabinet again. "Where is the razor in here?"

"I don't own a razor," cried the other man. "I never needed one! Expressing my beauty doesn't need a razor!"

"Oh dear," mumbled the man closing the sink cabinet. "How far away is the nearest convenience store?"

"You are not going to shave my head!"

"We need to get rid of your head lice before it spreads throughout the rest of Europe," explained the man. "So, how far away is the nearest convenience store?"

"Half a mile away," groaned the other man. "But I am not going to go with you. I've already been humiliated enough as is."

"Thank you," laughed the man opening up the bathroom door to leave. "I'll be sure to come right back."

"Why are you laughing?"

"Oh, it's just that your prediction of me doing something more than just washing your hair came true," laughed the man. "Going to a convenience store to get a razor to shave your head is definitely more than just washing it."

"This wasn't what I meant!" shrieked the other as the man left the bathroom.

**A/N **

**Well, it should be very obvious who the man and the other man are. If it isn't then I just failed. **

**Remember y'all, your feedback is valuable so don't be shy about hitting that pretty review button. **

**The words of French are- **

**Vous amusez? – Enjoying yourself? **

**Faux! –Wrong! **

**L'amour – love **

**Moi – me**

**J'ai dit – I said **

**Les poux de tête? – Head lice? **

**ma tête – my head **

**Mes cheveux – my hair **

**Merde – shit**

**Cela est mauvais – this is bad **

**E/N**

**I'll take care of the British translations then**

**Blimey-Explanation of surprise**

**You're barmy-You've gone mad!**


End file.
